Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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