Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
