Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
