Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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