Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
