Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
