I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
