just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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