Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and she was petting her beer can
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
