I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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