Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
