I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
