i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
