I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
