i just had sex bonerless
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
