FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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