it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He kissed a someone with a penis
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
