Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Houston, we have a squirter
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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