I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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