so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
