She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
