It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I met the friendliest cop last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
