Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
