I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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