well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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