Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
