Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Randomize
