don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
