Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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