eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
