What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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