he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
last night I used snow as a chaser
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
