Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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