You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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