Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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