Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
