we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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