Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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