you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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