i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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