i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
