I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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