Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
