How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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