I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
