Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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