Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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