I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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