So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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