We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
