i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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