A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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