i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
