That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
