How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
