can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
