"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
