He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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