If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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