Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
