I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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