I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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